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Interfaith Marriage - The Smiths

 www.youtube.com/v/1KntwXCObNI?version=3&hl=en_US

This Rabbi Supports Interfaith Marriage

www.youtube.com/v/ghCme4wOhHs?version=3&hl=en_US

How to Make the Right Choice for Your Interfaith Officiant?

Author: 1weddingsource

Finding an officiant for your wedding may not be a big problem. However, when the two of you are from two different faiths with different religious practices especially during weddings, then care should be taken in order to get the right person for the job. This will help in avoiding conflicts which may arise from various family members who you share you faith with. It will also ensure each side is given equal opportunity so that they can feel part and parcel of the joint ceremony.

Legally qualified officiant
The officiant that you choose should be legally qualified to carryout wedding ceremonies. He or she should have at least officiated in a number of weddings either religious or civil. One who has officiated in weddings involving interfaith couples should be given preference over others.

Interfaith officiant
An interfaith officiant should know how to handle various aspects of religion in such wedding. Due to his or her knowledge of the various beliefs held by the two faiths, he or she can handle the ceremony without mistakenly favoring one side. The officiant can perform one part of the ceremony in one faith and end the other with the second faith. Or if possible, each faith can have an officiant doing their part alongside the other. This will work well for people who may not want to mix faiths. However, consultations between the two officiants and the couple on who conduct which part will be necessary.

Versatile officiant
Some of the interfaith officiants you will get may not be well versed with wedding customs and practices outside their own faith. These ones may only be in a position to administer simple marriage vows. Ensure that you yet a person who understands all needs of your ceremony.

Referral services
Online referral services are available and they should help you to get in touch with the appropriate officiant. Check to ensure that he has the qualifications that you want. Arrange a meeting with the officiant before the ceremony so as to clarify your needs and expectations. This will also ensure that you do not get an officiant from a city far away as it may result into more costs than one from your home town.

Consider a civil wedding
Civil weddings are the cheapest of all weddings. This is because they have no costs such as those encountered in church ceremonies, other religious weddings and reception. The only fee paid is that of the marriage certificate. The other good thing is that civil weddings are equally valid form of wedding under national or state laws. They can be used instead of interfaith wedding ceremonies especially in cases where the couple can not agree on which faith to go for in the wedding.
The normal procedure of blood test and availing witnesses also apply in this here. Officials involved in administering of vows include justices, judges and other legal officials permitted to join couples under the law. Prior arrangements should be made with official to schedule appointment for the occasion. One can still perform a religious ceremony after the civil wedding.

Jason Hennessey is the President of 1weddingsource.com, today's leading wedding planning social networking site. He also founded an online store that host a collection of wedding favors and wedding gifts to make that Big Day an event to be cherished for a lifetime.

Article Source: http://www.articlealley.com/http://www.articlealley.com/how-to-make-the-right-choice-for-your-interfaith-officiant-892128.html

About the Author: Jason Hennessey is the President and founder of 1weddingsource.com , today’s leading wedding social networking planning site. http://www.1weddingsource.com

Out of Orthodoxy - Why This Former Orthodox Rabbi
Will Officiate at Interfaith Marriages
By: Rabbi David S. Gruber

Many might ask, even accuse, how can I, a rabbi, who once was Orthodox, who served an Orthodox congregation, and at the helm of Orthodox educational institutions, be willing, nay eager, to help interfaith couples and (co)officiate at their weddings?
Let me open with a family story. I remember a discussion my grandmother had with my great uncle in front of me. They had both moved from the East Coast to Portland, Oregon to be with their children and grandchildren. Neither was observant in the Orthodox sense of the word, but both had bought kosher meat back east. While my grandmother continued to buy kosher meat in Portland despite the higher price, my great uncle started buying non-kosher meat, once he moved out there. He explained that kosher meat was just too expensive. My grandmother sternly responded, that she continued to buy kosher meat, because, “that is how our parents brought us up!”
That logic never made sense to me. I bought kosher food, lived in the Eruv, sent my kids to a costly day school, and fulfilled all the other costly and taxing demands of Halacha, because I firmly believed that God had commanded me to do so. Even where tradition came into play, such as the standard derech hapsak (modus of halachic ruling) of the Rama, concepts of minhag yisrael din hu (the custom of Israel has the force of law), and the like, the implicit, if not explicit reasoning was that God wants you to do it this way, not that tradition in and of itself had some independent value aside from God’s will. My opposition at the time to intermarriage, as to any transgression of Jewish Law had nothing to do with tradition. As an Orthodox rabbi I did not, nor would I have dreamt of performing intermarriages, as it is against Halacha. Period. What mattered to me was the desire of the deity, not a tradition, in and of itself.
Somewhere in the middle of 2006, this all changed. I had an epiphany of sorts, and it became clear to me that I could not remain Orthodox. I began a year and a half long journey of study and exploration, at the end of which I left the Orthodox world behind, and I now live my life as a Jewish secular humanist. I no longer buy kosher food, live in the Eruv, send my kids to a costly day school, or fulfill all the other costly and taxing demands of Halacha, because I firmly believe that no God has commanded me to do so. As my objection to officiating at intermarriages was part and parcel of my Halachic life, I see no reason not to do this now. Period. Now what guides my life are the ideals of humanism. What matters is how I can help my fellow human being, and how I can make the world a better place for humanity in general. That is of the most paramount importance, not the imagined desire of a deity.
I remember when I first met with Rabbi Jacques Cukierkorn, over some kosher ribs at Irv’s Market in Kansas City. He explained his philosophy of what he would and wouldn’t do through a story which was intended in good humor to cause even the most liberal Orthodox rabbi (me) to raise an eyebrow. Once he got the effect he wanted, he explained seriously that he has one criterion when he judges a potential act – will it further the cause of Judaism? I too have one criterion – will what I do help my fellow human beings, and will it further the cause of humanistic ideals? Treating a couple with kindness and compassion, as human beings, as individuals, which is the way they treated each other when they fell in love is the best way of fulfilling this. In fact, I can think of few things better than helping a couple make the most important day of their life even more wonderful, especially when so many rabbis will not do so without attaching numerous conditions.
Rabbi Adam Chalom talks about the fact that all marriages are intermarriages. People marry multifaceted individuals; each one of us has many defining characteristics, with our religion being just one of them. In that sense even a marriage between two Ultra-Orthodox Jews is a mixed marriage, and a marriage between a Jew and a non-Jew, who are on the same “wave length” in many things could be less of a stretch, depending on the other characteristics of each individual. Amy Elkes writes, “My boyfriend and I share many of the same beliefs and values. We both believe in acting with honesty and integrity. We both honor our families and believe that children are a couple’s greatest commitment. We love learning and traveling and exploring new places. When we face problems, no matter what kind, we turn to one another for comfort and support. In short we do not define ourselves solely by our religions, and as a result, we have a tremendous amount of common ground to stand on.” Each couple must ascertain if their “package” is one that will work. After, all a perfectly Halachic marriage between a Humanistic Jew and an Ultra Orthodox Jew would probably have a lesser chance of remaining intact, than one between a Humanistic Jew and a Humanistic Buddhist.
The interesting thing is that if we are, after all, to invoke tradition, we who see nothing wrong with interfaith marriage have quite a leg to stand on, and in a sense a better one than those who invoke tradition against it. After all, from the period where our ancestors, the Canaanites of the Central Highlands started to define themselves as Israelites and Judahites to at least 450 B.C.E., beyond the standard xenophobia, so common to those times, not many thought there was really that much wrong with intermarriage. This was in part because they all worshipped many of the same gods, with a small group of priests in the 7th Century B.C.E. pushing monolatry of one of those particular gods, Yahweh, and trying to foment a little bit more than the standard xenophobia with their intermarriage prohibitions. The latter openly lament, that they really didn’t make too much of a “splash” at the time in the general populace. That is why we see intermarriage exemplified by the legendary figures of Ruth, Ma’acha, Na’ama, Jezebel, Yeter, Uriah, and many more. Prof. Baruch Halpern talks about the fact that in general this Yahweh Alone party rewrote history with the traditional Israelite practice condemned as foreign and against tradition, and the new practice of this new party elevated as the true Israelite tradition. This is just one more instance, where that is so true.  By being open to interfaith marriage we invoke the ancient and true traditions of our Canaanite/Israelite ancestors. By leaving their xenophobia behind, we improve on these traditions.
I feel a personal connection to such an avenue of thinking regarding myself as one who will (co)officiate at interfaith marriages. The following is my personal conjecture, and I may be a little off, but certainly not anymore so than traditional Judaism’s version. There have been a number of fascinating studies regarding the evidence mitochondrial and Y chromosome DNA markers give us regarding the development of the human race. One of the most fascinating of these studies is the study that implies that 70-80% of today’s male Kohanim (Aaronide or Zadokite priests) are in fact descended from a single common male ancestor who lived 2100-3500 years ago. Now, the consensus of archeologists is quite clear that the Israelites and Judahites emerged from the Canaanites of the Central Highlands. That means that that ancestor most probably came from within that milieu. If you read between the lines of the Bible, you can see that there is a certain probability that the story of the Aaronide priesthood really begins with the selection of two rival Cannanite priesthood lines by the rustic Judahite chieftain we know as David (who we now have evidence did in fact exist) with the Zadokite line winning out. When I, a Kohen, stand before a couple and consecrate them in marriage, I see myself not only as an heir to the historical traditions of Judaism and the original Cannanite/Israelites, but also, by virtue of my DNA, as an heir to that ancient Cannanite priesthood, who may have officiated at many marriages of all sorts, without anyone thinking anything about it.
Some may say that officiating at interfaith marriages will decimate the Jewish people. Some, and I count my former self as guilty in this regard, even use abhorrent references to a “voluntary holocaust”, as if people wishing to marry those they love are analogous to those who murdered a third of our people. Again Chalom is poignant in his thinking in this matter. Why not look at this as enlarging the Jewish people? To Jewish theists of all stripes, there is a need to legally define who is Jewish and who is not, as they look at Jews through religious eyes. Who is a Jew, is as important a subject to the most liberal Reform rabbi, as it is to her Neturai Karta counterpart. To them, by virtue of some version of Halacha the children of the interfaith couple will be Jewish or won’t be Jewish, and this is a concern of the utmost importance. To me, Judaism is primarily an issue of culture, history, and an intellectual tradition, the positive and relevant aspects of which I embrace along with the traditions of the enlightenment. One can be a part of many different cultures. My children are three quarters Ashkenazic, and one quarter Sephardic. Did I do damage to Ashkenazi culture by not marrying a fully Ashkenazic woman? My cousin married a man from China. Did she do damage to her children by not marrying an American born man? Did he do damage to his children by not marrying a Chinese woman? Certainly, to their shame, many people, a generation or two ago would have answered to the affirmative. To the shame of Ultra Orthodox Judaism in Israel, they still answer to the affirmative today to my first question. Need we be so narrow minded? Can we not understand that there is something enriching and positive and wonderful about more people out there being heirs to a Jewish cultural, historical and intellectual tradition, combined with whatever additional identities they have? This should be seen as a blessing, not a problem.
Our Rabbis ask what does God do ever since he finished with the heavy lifting of creation? They tell us that he does one thing – matchmaking. The idea of marriage, two separate people coming together to form one united entity, when you think about it, is really quite fantastic. In our modern culture with the high divorce rate, we see how incredibly difficult it can be to keep such a package intact. Those of us who are married know that you need to keep working at it day by day. If we are approached by a couple who deeply love each other, who have thought the issues of their compatibility through, and have decided that they would like nothing more than to spend their life together, blending their lives and their flesh into one, and they ask us to help them make this dream come true, dare we say no? I know I cannot, and I will not. I will not attach any conditions to my willingness to (co)officiate, and I will have one question only, the question Chalom says he asks couples when they approach him, “Do you love each other?” If the answer is yes, I will have only one response, “Mazel Tov, now let’s look at some dates…”
Copyright 2007 – www.interfaithweddingrabbi.net - Rabbi David S. Gruber – All Rights Reserved

About the Author
I am a native of Evanston, Illinois, and an eighth generation rabbi. I grew up in Israel, where I served as a tank gunner in the IDF Armored Corps, attended Yeshivat Sha’alvim, one of the most prominent institutions of higher Orthodox Jewish learning in Israel for seven years, and received my Orthodox rabbinic ordination from the Chief Rabbis of Israel. I hold a B.A. in History from Thomas Edison State College, and an M.S. in Educational Leadership from Walden University. I have served in educational and religious leadership positions in the Jewish community on three continents since my teens, specifically in Israel, New Zealand and the United States. A former member of the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA) I am one of the only ordained Orthodox rabbis in the world, who has renounced Orthodoxy and sees himself as a secular humanist. As such I deeply believes in helping interfaith couples make the most out of the most wonderful day of their lives. Having lived, since my return to the United States, in Overland Park, Kansas, Toledo, Ohio and Dallas, Texas, I now live in the beautiful city of Frisco, Texas, a northern suburb of Dallas, and one of the fastest growing cities in the United States. Visit my website at www.interfaithweddingrabbi.net

(ArticlesBase SC #1291073)
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ - Out of Orthodoxy - Why This Former Orthodox Rabbi Will Officiate at Interfaith Marriages

WEDDING PLANNING
A FAMILY AFFAIR

You might be thinking that planning your Jewish/Interfaith wedding will be all about the conflict - but you can create a ceremony that everyone will love. By focusing on the relationship, and choosing traditions and readings to honor both sides, your family and guests will love what you create.

Many of my clients begin their Interfaith wedding plans with strong feelings of fear and trepidation. They often fear their family members will not approve, and they are overwhelmed with fear of offending a single guest by their ceremony choices. But today's Interfaith weddings can be crafted so that everyone not only feels comfortable, but honored, by your commitment to be fair and inclusive to both parties' faith and heritage.

When a couple comes to me, most often, one of them is Jewish. They are afraid that if they include Jewish traditions, they will offend the non Jewish partner's family. Likewise, a mention of Jesus could be just enough to send that Yiddeshe bubbe flying for the nearest exit! You CAN create balance, but in order to do so, it requires a lot of open communication and a little strategy.

The first thing I recommend is keep everything as close to neutral as you can. Keep the foreign language to a minimum, and try not to "name" your spiritual reference. If you can agree that you both believe in G-d, then that will suffice when invoking a spiritual presence.

There are a few major components of a Jewish wedding that most people want to include. The chuppa, the ketubah, the wine, and breaking the glass, are all traditional rituals that are meaningful. Incorporate these into your ceremony, and ask your officiant to go into detail to explain what those rituals are, and why we include them. The more you explain, the less alienated your non-Jewish guests will feel, and everyone will appreciate the time you took to make them feel comfortable.

For every ritual or tradition from the Jewish faith you choose - choose another from your other faith. A song, or a reading that invokes spiritual presence provides a beautiful balance. Incorporate a unification ceremony, such as a sand ceremony or unity candle. Readings such as the Apache Wedding Poem, or readings from Kalil Gibran also invoke spirituality, without isolating.

Choose an officiant who is highly experienced in crafting wedding ceremonies that reflect your backgrounds. Ask to see samples of ceremonies that the officiant has written, to see exactly how he or she blended the rituals of past clients, and imagine yourself sitting in the room listening to the wedding you are reading. Was it fair? Did it honor both sides? Did you feel embraced and included, rather than out of place? Most people don't mind hearing something new - if you deliver it in just the right way.

I have found that the more I explain in a service, the more appreciative the non-Jewish guests are, and even the Jewish guests often learn something they didn't know. Your parents will appreciate that you took the time to balance each side, and so will your guests. In the end, you will have a ceremony that focuses on your love, not your differences. Focus on the aspects that bring you together, and your guests will feel honored that they were asked to be a part of that. Stay true to who each of you are, and recognize that it is also your differences, as well as your similarities that make each one interesting to the other. When both are honored, conflict cannot exist.

Your wedding then becomes a celebration of your individuality, and the commitment you are making to come together as one. With tolerance, understanding, patience and communication, your Jewish/Interfaith wedding ceremony will be absolutely beautiful.

Cantor Debbi Ballard
http://www.mypersonalcantor.com
(954) 646-1326
 

Lights, Camera, Mazel Tov – How I Officiated a Wedding on MTV
By: Rabbi David S. Gruber

About the Author
Rabbi David Gruber, an eighth generation rabbi, was born in Evanston, Illinois. He grew up in Israel, where he served in the IDF Armored Corps, and received his rabbinic ordination from the Chief Rabbis of Israel. He holds a B.A. in history, and an M.S. in Educational Leadership. He has served in educational and religious leadership positions in the Jewish community in Israel, New Zealand, and the United States. Though Rabbi Gruber used to be Orthodox, he now sees himself as a Jewish secular humanist, and as such he officiates interfaith weddings. Visit his website www.interfaithweddingrabbi.net
© Copyright 2010 – Rabbi David S. Gruber – All Rights Reserved - This article originally appeared on www.InterfaithFamily.com.

The Effect of Intermarriage On Your Children

by  Dennis Prager & Joseph Telushkin
Posted in: Jewish Beliefs & Philosophy;  Relationships & Family

 Everything You Wanted to Know About Jewish Weddings But Were Afraid to Ask
Author: Bridget Mora 

It is more and more common these days for people to marry outside of their faith. This means that there are also more guests attending weddings with customs which may be unfamiliar to them. Since many religions have very meaningful wedding traditions, becoming familiar with them can help guests have a better understanding and appreciation of what is taking place during the ceremony. This is everything you wanted to know about Jewish weddings but were afraid to ask.
Do all Jewish ceremonies take place under a canopy? Yes. It is called a Chuppah, and represents the bride and groom's first Jewish home under God. The custom is believed to date back to Biblical times, and the open sides of a Chuppah are like the open sided tent of Abraham and Sarah, which was welcoming to visitors. The Chuppah can be made from any beautiful or meaningful material, including fabric, flowers, or even an old family quilt.
Why is the bride at a Jewish wedding dressed so conservatively? The strictness of the bridal dress code varies from Orthodox to Conservative to Reform Judaism, and may even vary from one synagogue to the next. In general, most Jewish brides will wear modest gowns which cover the shoulders, a bridal veil, and classic wedding jewelry. Orthodox brides will have the strictest requirements about their attire, while some Reform synagogues may have fewer specific rules. In any case, it is always in good taste for a bride to err on the traditional side for her gown and wedding jewelry when being wed in a house of worship.
Why are Jewish weddings frequently held on Sundays? This one is quite simple: a Jewish wedding may not take place on the Sabbath, which runs from sundown on Friday until sundown on Saturday. That leaves Sunday as the logical choice.
Why does the groom break a glass with his foot at the end of the wedding ceremony? The breaking of the glass represents the destruction of the ancient Temple in Jerusalem; in other words, it is a reminder of the fragility of life and an instruction to appreciate every joyous moment. The breaking of the glass is also said to be a celebration of the covenant of marriage into which the newlyweds have just entered.
What is a Ketubah? The Ketubah is a special marriage contract signed by the bride and groom. Perhaps the most interesting thing about the Ketubah is that it is designed to protect the interests of the bride, right down to requiring a witness that can attest to the fact that she has chosen to enter into the marriage willingly. The Ketubah is always very beautifully decorated, and may be displayed in the newlyweds' home.
What does Mazel Tov mean? Mazel tov means good luck, and is also frequently used to mean congratulations. This is why you will hear it shouted joyfully at many points during a Jewish wedding, starting with the moment when the groom breaks the glass at the end of the marriage ceremony.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/everything-you-wanted-to-know-about-jewish-weddings-but-were-afraid-to-ask-2211225.html
About the Author
Bridget Mora writes about weddings, customs, and etiquette. For a beautiful selection of  wedding jewelry for the entire bridal party, visit us at http://silverlandjewelry.com/. All jewelry orders over $99 receive free shipping

INTERMARRIAGE 
EXPERIENCES

Shalom!
We at www.jewsontheweb.com realize that many of our brethern are part of an interfaith family, at some level. (i.e., their immediate or extended family members or in the family of their religious congregation.
We also realize that intermarriages bring issues to work out and can greatly impact one's very being, outlook on life, and on how one maintains and views their Jewishness. - We will attempt to offer differing points of view and experiences, fo ryour consideration and overall knowledge.
We invite you to share your experiences/feelings on this topic. - We ask that you: avoid any vile language; identify folks by their relation to you or their first name; and avoid profanity.
email us at: admin@jewsontheweb.com

The  Trials and Tribulations of an Interfaith Marriage
Author: KC Walensky

I am Jewish and my wife is not. Can an interfaith marriage work? The answer is definitely yes. But it's not always easy.

Here is a personal experience from one who has lived through it and has enjoyed (and is still enjoying!) thirty-two (32) years of marriage.

The first milestone to conquer was the fact that my then-fiancé was not Jewish. I heard from the family and friends: "Couldn't you find a nice Jewish girl?" "Don't you understand your children will not be Jewish?" and of course the old saying: " Oy Gevald!; He's engaged to a Shikseh." Fortunately, in my case, my fiancé won them over with her sweetness and I explained to all that this was the girl for me. Eventually, global (family) warming occurred and the issue became moot. It was interesting that her family was solely concerned with me - as a person - the fact that I was Jewish was totally irrelevant.

Next up was the wedding. We got married in her territory - upstate New York. Finding a Rabbi in that area was like getting a box seat at a Yankees-Sox game - Slim Pickins - which really made the interfaith aspect easier. So we settled on a Justice of the Peace. However, the one we selected forgot about the wedding (hunting trip) so we ended up with a Mayor from another town. The problem was he had no jurisdiction in the town where the wedding/reception was taking place, so he married us for real in his living room the morning of the wedding and he then performed a bogus ceremony (very few knew it was not the real McCoy) at the wedding/reception.

One area where there were no problems was the Holidays. It wasn't difficult to exchange gifts on Chanukah and Christmas. I quite enjoyed it. Getting everything that you wrote out for a present list followed by a Turkey dinner with all the trimmings was not tough to take. To me, it was an opportunity to benefit from both "worlds".

Fast forward: five years. The birth of our son. My parents wanted him named after my late grandmother (Esther). However, we did not like any names beginning with the letter 'E'. So we came up with our own name using a baby naming book. Well after hearing the name we had chosen for our son, my parents did not speak to us for three (3) months. It was only after we wrote a letter telling them it was our son not theirs and the fact that I was named utilizing a baby book, they resumed communication. We also compromised by having a baby naming ceremony giving him a Hebrew name using the names of the grandparents.

One of the biggest problems was how to raise the child - church vs. synagogue (sounds like a movie). It was decided to expose our son to both religions until he was old enough to choose for himself. So he attended a church and a temple, was exposed to all holidays, and eventually decided what religious belief he wanted when he turned eighteen. Our daughter followed the same path.

So as you can see, there can be many hurdles to conquer in an Interfaith marriage, especially with opinionated friends and family (yentas) and if the marriage has produced offspring. However, like most problems in life, with patience and understanding an Interfaith marriage can be a very successful and rewarding relationship. I have thirty-two (32) happy years to prove that it indeed can work.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/the-trials-and-tribulations-of-an-interfaith-marriage-1601313.html

About the Author
KC Walensky is the "Ketubah Guru" at MP Artworks, the leading U.S. producer of ketubahs. Contact KC to learn about an interfaith ketubah textfor your interfaith wedding.

Wow! -- Here is the web address for the ImprovingMarriages YouTube Channel video! (Based upon the media-acclaimed book, Improve Your Marriage - Don't Overlook The Obvious!)  
 Check it out! Click here!
And let others know about it! (Thanks) 

Won Ton or Kreplach? How We have a tendency to Raise Kids in Our Chinese-Jewish Family
Author: Ernie Hicks

I perpetually knew my Oriental wife was Jewish; after all, she grew up eating Chinese food!
I grew up in an exceedingly Jewish neighbourhood of Montreal. My mother is Sephardic Italian and my father could be a Holocaust survivor from Poland. I speak Italian with my mother and Yiddish with my father and siblings. My wife, Belinda Cheung, was born and raised in Hong Kong and came to Canada when she was 17.

I married Belinda in 1999. Our wedding has been working splendidly well. Despite our cultural differences, our worldviews and approaches to life are remarkably identical. We have a tendency to are busy raising our two young children, and our lives are meaningful and fulfilling.

Image frames reflecting each Chinese and Jewish influences adorn our home. We tend to are keen on learning about each different's culture. We tend to make a purpose to learn each alternative's languages through tapes and books. Although we are each fully fluent in English, my wife chooses to talk Cantonese to our children, and I speak Yiddish. Between us, we have a tendency to converse in English. Our youngsters establish with their Yiddish and Chinese names, in addition to their English names. Our elder son, Asher (age three), looks to handle the various languages well. We have a tendency to build an attempt to be consistent in our use of languages with our children. We have a tendency to expose them to both Chinese and Jewish games, with Chinese, Yiddish, Hebrew and English books, songs and videos.

With an Italian mother and a Chinese wife, I am likely one among the most well-fed guys on earth! On Sabbath, my wife typically makes "Chinese cholent," that I completely enjoy. She retailers for Chinese mushrooms, lotus seeds, ginseng and various types of Chinese fruits and vegetables in Chinatown. I take pleasure in making ready Italian dishes, and we have a tendency to both like Ashkenazi Jewish cuisine. Just the once, my mother-in-law assisted with cooking, and we have a tendency to all had an authentic Chinese meal on Friday night. It had been a delightful evening and a nice cultural shock to my parents. Using chopsticks is still a challenge for me, however it solely makes life additional interesting!

I'm fascinated with Chinese history, language and culture. Belinda's roots are virtually as necessary to me as my own. I am constantly looking for ways to infuse a lot of Chinese culture into our lives. Even my favourite ties display ancient Chinese scripts and I typically wear them on Sabbath. The Chinese and also the Jews have a lot in common in their moral teachings.

We tend to keep a kosher diet and celebrate all Jewish holidays, including the holy Sabbath. We are grateful that my parents, my Chinese in-laws, and our secular relatives and friends, are respectful of our Jewish observances. My brother-in-law, who is Protestant, had joined us on several occasions and experienced Sabbath and Sukkot (Pageant of Booths), and even had a style of matzah on Passover. We provide lai-si (red packets containing money, decorated with characters and drawings symbolizing luck and wealth) to our kids on Chinese New Year.We have a tendency to could catch a dragon boat race during the Dragon Boat Competition, or play with Chinese lanterns around the August Moon Festival. Once we are sick, we have a tendency to look for medical treatment and recommendation from both Chinese and Western doctors. Last year I had the opportunity to fulfill many of my wife's relatives and childhood friends in Hong Kong, in addition to to go to her faculties and converse together with her former teachers. Belinda also enjoyed meeting my aunts and cousins in Rome. These experiences are terribly special and memorable to us.

While we cherish both backgrounds, once we have to decide on between them Jewish holidays and observances take precedence over Chinese holidays and customs. Belinda finds Judaism meaningful and he or she has learned to like it a lot of than Chinese traditions. Judaism is central to us, and it helps imbue our lives with meaning and direction..

How did we have a tendency to get to the present arrangement? From the instant we tend to began dating, we enthusiastically explored every alternative's cultures through visiting several ethnic establishments and participating in various cultural activities. Our goal was to broaden our horizons and to take the simplest of both worlds. But, as my parents were vehemently opposed to my dating Belinda as a result of my religion prohibits intermarriage, we tend to delved deeper into Judaism whereas also examining alternative religions. We tend to browse voraciously on completely different spiritualities. We tend to attended Chinese churches, Buddhist and Taoist temples; took part in Jews for Jesus, Reform, Conservative and Orthodox Jewish synagogues and events; visited a Sikh Gurdwara, a Muslim mosque; and toured Israel for a month. It was an extended but worthwhile journey. Through it all, we have a tendency to impressed each alternative in our religious growth, and helped form each alternative's outlook on life. Belinda eventually converted to Judaism when additional than four years of exploring and learning. She genuinely loves Judaism. An necessary reason that my wife and I have adjusted to each alternative thus well is that we tend to had developed a standard vision for ourselves before we got married.

We have a tendency to are currently connected to a Torah-observant community where people are accepting folks and our Asian-trying Jewish children. We were forewarned by the rabbinical court which presided over my wife's conversion that there would continually be some Jews who, out of ignorance of Judaism, look down at converts and their kids as being "not really" Jewish. Thank God, we haven't experienced this type of debasement.

We tend to hope that as our kids get older, they can query, investigate and renew their commitment to our Jewish heritage, and also respect and honor their Chinese roots. That they can carry their Jewishness into their own relationships and raise their youngsters with healthy and life-affirming values and practices.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/won-ton-or-kreplach-how-we-have-a-tendency-to-raise-kids-in-our-chinese-jewish-family-4430799.html

About the Author
Ernie Hicks has been writing articles online for nearly 2 years now. Not only does this author specialize in Dating ,you can also check out his latest website about: Waiting Room Chairs For Sale Which reviews and lists the best Waiting Room Toys

 

Where There is Love There is Life:
A Hin-Jew Wedding in Texas

One of the most unique weddings I have officiated was Shreeti and Jon's. I co-officiated with Shreeti's family's lay pundit (Hindu priest), Jaysurya ("Jay") Upadhyaya. It was fascinating to see how these two faiths, one Western and one Eastern, came together in one ceremony, and how many parallels exist between the wedding rituals of both.

The ceremony began at the entrance, with Shreeti's mother waving a wand over Jon to cast away spirits. This Hindu tradition is similar to the Jewish tradition of beginning the ceremony with the bride and groom's mothers leading the bride around the groom to similarly protect him. In accordance with Hindu tradition, Jon then broke a clay pot to symbolically remove any obstacles to the marriage.

The ceremony itself was held under a mandap, a Hindu ceremonial canopy that turns the whole area under it into a symbolic altar. This served also as the Jewish chuppah, which symbolizes the bride and groom's new home. Interestingly, both faiths center around the home, rather than the house of worship, which means that home and altar are very much one and the same.

At various points during the Hindu portions of the ceremony, people made offerings to different deities. This usually involves Sanskrit chanting by the pundit, the tossing of the offering into fire and the marking of the body with paste. These are very important parts of the ceremony, as the favor of the deities is seen as central to a life of happiness for the new family being created under the mandap. The Jewish portions of the ceremony do not involve offerings, but do involve the chanting of blessings in Hebrew. I opened the Jewish part of the ceremony with traditional, welcoming blessings and towards the end blessed the couple with the Priestly Blessing.

In a Jewish wedding, parents and loved ones are brought under the chuppah with the bride and groom. This is true of a Hindu wedding too. Shreeti's parents spent part of the ceremony under the mandap, made an offering and even washed Shreeti and Jon's feet, beseeching him to treat their daughter as an equal partner. Later in the ceremony, family members from both sides, including Jon's parents, joined Shreeti and Jon under the mandap, and made offerings, which the couple, circling a small altar four times, threw into the fire. The circling symbolizes the couple's commitment to remaining true to one's values, providing for the family, obtaining fulfillment and achieving enlightenment. Every time they circled the altar, siblings and cousins, who had surrounded the mandap, pelted them with flower petals. Later, after the ceremony, with their families once again surrounding them, the couple would sign the Jewish ketubah, a document where they would commit themselves to essentially the same ideals celebrated while ringing the altar.

One of the most striking resemblances between the wedding traditions of both faiths is the centrality of the number seven. The Hindu tradition has the Satapadi or Seven Vows, and the Jewish tradition has the Seven Blessings. Jon laid Shreeti's big toe on each of seven decorated shells respectively, while Jay chanted the Satapadi, swearing the couple to live with honor and respect, be happy, share in all, not forget their elders, be charitable, be peaceful and love and sacrifice for each other. I followed with the chanting of the Seven Blessings, which celebrate creation in general, creation of man, creation of woman, the hope of return to Zion and the love and happiness of the bride and groom and their loved ones.

Both traditions include the bride and groom sharing sweet food (in Hinduism) or sweet wine (in Judaism) to symbolize everyone's prayer that the couple will enjoy a sweet life together. Shreeti and Jon shared candy and dried fruit, in accordance with the Hindu tradition.

Jon then put a necklace on Shreeti's neck, the Hindu equivalent to putting a ring on his bride's finger. (Both faiths, being in their traditional form patriarchal, have the groom putting the jewelry on the bride and not vice versa.) Shreeti and Jon then read very meaningful vows they wrote, after which they exchanged rings, reciting (in Hebrew and in English) the traditional Jewish consecration formula, as well as a verse from the Song of Songs.

After I declared them husband and wife, Jon ended the ceremony, just as he started it – by breaking something. This time, in accordance with Jewish tradition, he broke a glass. I explained it as symbolizing the breaking down of barriers between different cultures and faiths – a very fitting explanation for this wedding.

How did Shreeti and Jon, coming from traditions, far apart geographically and theologically, "pull off" such a seamless ceremony, where it was well evident that all present felt so validated and comfortable? They communicated their plans to their families, and sought their feedback. Their parents gave them honest and considerate feedback while respecting the couple's wishes. Shreeti and Jon chose officiants who were open to learning about each other's faiths and communicated well themselves. These officiants were keen on making the various parts of the ceremony mesh well together. Most importantly, while each family expressed their wishes to observe various rituals from their respective traditions, it seemed like they were even more careful to make sure that the other side's wishes were being met.

It was really heart-warming to observe how concerned these people were regarding each other's feelings. It has been said that true love means caring about your loved one's feelings, as you much as you care about yours. This couple, their families and all involved showed this type of love, and as Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Where there is love, there is life!"

© Copyright 2011 – Rabbi David S. Gruber – All Rights Reserved. This article was first published on interfaithfamily.com
About the Author: Rabbi David Gruber is a former Orthodox rabbi, who has served in many educational and religious leadership positions in the Jewish community. Now, he sees himself as a Jewish secular humanist, and as such he officiates interfaith weddings. Visit his website http://www.interfaithweddingrabbi.net

IMPENDING BABY ARRIVAL
By Cantor Debbi

So, you managed to successfully navigate the often confusing and emotion-evoking planning of your Interfaith wedding.  Mazel Tov!  You’ve settled into your lives, and if you’re like most couples, the issue of different faiths was probably put on the back burner.  Once you got through the chuppah, and the unity candle, life returned to normal, and you no longer needed to worry about the in-laws’ trepidation of handling your different faiths. Or so you thought! 

Married life begins, and then – YAY!  A baby is coming!  There is no happier event in life, than a couple bringing a new bundle of joy into the world – but there is also probably no greater cause of nerves and stress on an Interfaith family.  Even though you are all as happy as can be, you know that planning for your baby’s birth is causing those emotional questions and struggles to return to the forefront of your lives. 

You probably didn’t give it a thought.  You were overcome with joy when the pregnancy test results showed positive results.  You imagined a lot of love, joy, and happiness, and never thought for a second that your mother in law – or your own mother – would begin asking questions that would send you into a tailspin – again!

Circumsion?  Baby Naming?  Baptism?  Dedication?  Everyone loves a ceremony to welcome a newborn – but which one will you choose?  What about Christmas and Hanukkah?  Where would you celebrate?  How will you give gifts?  How do you teach your precious child about Moses AND the Easter Bunny, at the same time? 

Let’s begin with the baby welcoming ceremony - You managed to create a perfectly balanced Interfaith wedding ceremony.  You included New Testament and Old Testament components, unity candles, and the chuppah, and The Lord’s Prayer with the Breaking of the Glass.  But, a ceremony welcoming a baby is..well…different. 

Let’s begin by understanding the basics.  In the Jewish faith, a baby naming ceremony is one in which the child is given a Hebrew name – typically named after a deceased relative, but in essence, this is the name that all of Israel will call him or her.  It is a celebration of G-d’s covenant with Abraham, and a welcoming of this child into the Jewish faith. 

A  Baptism, or Christening, is a welcoming of the child into Christianity, and the dedication of his or her life to Jesus Christ.  Plain and Simple.  No getting around it.  Either – OR. 

How will you balance?  What if you are not prepared to decide your child’s faith today, or even this year?  Maybe not even this decade? (In my personal opinion, this is major pit-fall #1 – you really NEED to decide, but we’ll get in to that later).  Will a christening prevent you from entering your child in a Jewish education program later?  Will the opposite be true?  Can you raise your child in the church if he’s been given a Hebrew name?  You’re afraid to choose – understandably so – because it’s hard to know if you will want to make a different choice later on down the road.  It happens. 

The best favor a couple can ever do for themselves, and the sanctity of their marriage, is to decide these major questions BEFORE they ever get married, as I mentioned before.  A parent’s inability to choose, is simply a deferment of the burden of choice onto their children, which, later on, will force the child to in essence “choose” a parent, a very unfortunate circumstance as children are truly incapable of making that choice. 

Today’s Interfaith couples are looking for ways to blend a welcoming ceremony for a baby, without having to make that choice. When I perform an Interfaith baby naming ceremony, I do incorporate traditions and elements from both sides.  Rather than focus on the Abrahamic covenenant, I focus on the actual Hebrew name the baby is receiving, and celebrating the characteristics of their name sake, and the hope of their parents to carry on those admirable qualities of passed loved ones.  It is a celebration of their memory and continuity of their souls, and so we celebrate the qualities and meaning of the names. 

I also include both sets of grandparents, offering a prayer of faith for their child.  Perhaps we are not yet defining faith – but we can still be faithful, without defining which we are choosing, for now.  We can ask G-d to watch over our child, bless him or her, and to receive strength for being strong parents, to guide our children throughout their lives. 

What about Holidays?  How will you handle the December dilemma?  There are millions of articles – supporting many different positions – written about this, but you have to choose (in advance, preferably) how it is going to work best for your family – but think of the issues as FAR OUT as you possibly can.  In my household, we defined our childrens’ faith as Jewish, but we still celebrated Christmas as a holiday of family unity and giving, rather than a holiday of celebration for the birth of Jesus Christ.  We gave gifts only on Christmas within our family, because we felt the gift giving of that holiday was – well – more fun!  But, we celebrated Hanukkah with food (latkes, YUM) and gifts from grandparents and extended family. 

Thankfully, Moses and the Easter Bunny are not in conflict, and since most of us are not sure where the Easter Bunny even came from, it’s easy to celebrate Easter as a candy holiday, but if the topic of going to church arises, it really needs to be discussed – and the conversation in your family needs to be had about the BIG elephant in the room. 

Essentially – what is your position as a couple on Jesus?  Discussing the answer to that question as parents is, essentially, the most critical answer you will have to decide on – hopefully before the wedding took place, but when you answer it, you will basically be giving yourselves the answers to many more questions down the road.   

Planning for your Interfaith family’s experience is not easy – but thankfully, because of many organizations, and generous families who have successfully navigated this path before you, you have options, and resources for support.  The absolute MOST important advice I give any couple – is to first define what is best for YOUR family – meaning you and your spouse, and your children.  Whatever you choose – you might hurt someone in the process, or let them down in some way – but the more you are true to the sanctity of your marriage and your partnership, as a team, the better success you will have in the long run.  Be prepared, and make decisions as early as possible for your children.  It will make you so much happier in the long run, and help you stick to a parenting plan that incorporates the best of both of your very important worlds.  Best of luck!

4 Tips For Personalizing an Interfaith Ketubah
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Melissa_Dinwiddie]
Melissa Dinwiddie

If you're having an interfaith wedding with Jewish components, you've probably decided to get a ketubah - a Jewish marriage contract. The ketubah is a traditional part of every Jewish wedding ceremony, and in modern times interfaith couples have found that incorporating this beautiful custom is a lovely way to include some of the Jewish partner's heritage into their wedding. You may be having fun shopping for the perfect design, and discussing what you want the text to say. But you probably also have a lot of questions. Here are some tips to help you out: 

Tip 1: Check with your rabbi about his or her text requirements
If your officiant is not a rabbi or cantor then your can ketubah can have whatever wording you want, but if a rabbi or cantor will be officiating at your ceremony, check with him or her first, before you do anything else! Although an interfaith ketubah is not a legal document according to Jewish law (as an Orthodox ketubah would be), many rabbis still have very strict policies about what kind of text they will (or will not) allow on an interfaith ketubah. The traditional ketubah wording refers to the bride and groom as followers of Jewish law, and if one partner is not Jewish, then this wording would technically not be accurate, so most rabbis do not want such wording included on an interfaith ketubah. In addition, rabbis are all different, and since your rabbi is the final authority on what is permitted at your wedding, you definitely want to know ahead of time if he or she, for example, forbids any Hebrew on the ketubah (an unlikely possibility, but it actually happened to one of my interfaith clients!)
And don't just ask your rabbi or cantor for their general policies; make sure to show him or her the actual text you're planning to use. I've known of couples who were unable to use the ketubah they carefully selected, because their rabbi had told them any wording was fine, but then wasn't comfortable with the wording when reading though the text right before the signing ceremony! The last thing you want is any unpleasant surprises at your wedding!

Tip 2: Find or write a text you're both comfortable with
Although many couples concentrate on the design of the ketubah, don't forget that this is a special document that will be with you for your entire lives together. The wording is just as important as the design, if not more so! There are dozens, perhaps hundreds of ketubah texts available online, so spend some time reading to see what is out there. You may find a text you love just the way it is, or you may decide you want to compose your own ketubah wording. Most ketubah artists offer their own texts, but it sometimes happens that a couple likes one artist's design, but another artist's text. If this is the case for you, check to see if it's possible to add a custom text to the ketubah you like, and then make sure to ask the author's permission to use the wording. It's a violation of copyright law to use someone else's wording on a commercial product without their express permission. The author may charge a fee for usage rights, in which case you'll have to decide wither you want to pay the fee or go with another text.
If you can't find any ketubah texts you're completely happy with, write your own! Composing a text together can be a very special and memorable part of planning your wedding. If you want your ketubah text in both English and Hebrew you may be able to get your rabbi or a friend to translate your English wording for you, or your ketubah artist may offer translation services for a fee.

Tip 3: Check with your rabbi about your names
Once you've found your perfect ketubah, and you've chosen or composed your perfect ketubah text, the next question is always "how the heck do we handle our names in the Hebrew?" If the Jewish partner has a Jewish name, it's customary to use it on the ketubah, in conjunction with the parents' Hebrew names, which serve the function of surnames. The traditional Jewish naming convention follows this formula:
 [Hebrew name] son/daughter of [Father's Hebrew name]
In more progressive communities it has become customary to also include the mother's name, as follows:
 [Hebrew name] son/daughter of [Father's Hebrew name] and [Mother's Hebrew name]
In addition, if the father is a Cohain or Levite it is traditional to include that, as follows:
[Hebrew name] son/daughter of [Father's Hebrew name] the Cohain/the Levite and [Mother's Hebrew name]
And if either parent is deceased, it is customary to use an acronym after their name, z"l, that represents the phrase "of blessed memory":
 [Hebrew name] son/daughter of [Father's Hebrew name] z"l and [Mother's Hebrew name] z"l
(All of these "formulas" would of course be written in Hebrew on the ketubah.)
But what happens if one of you doesn't have a Hebrew name? In most cases when someone doesn't have a Hebrew name their English name is transliterated into Hebrew letters and used instead of an actual Hebrew name. Your ketubah artist will probably be able to handle the transliteration for you, but again, check with your rabbi! Whatever you do, don't make up a Hebrew name for the non-Jewish partner! Most rabbis will not approve, and might declare your ketubah unusable at the wedding. (Though again, if your officiant is not a rabbi or cantor then you can handle your names however you like.)
It also sometimes happens that the Jewish partner and parents all have Hebrew names, but they don't know how to spell them. If this is the case with you, see if you can find any written records with the unknown Hebrew name (a bris or naming certificate, a bar/bat mitzvah certificate, parents' ketubah), and if that's not possible, you know what to do: check with you rabbi!

Tip 4: Filling in the ketubah: always get a proof
Once you have your text selected and approved, and your names figured out, go ahead and order your ketubah. You may choose to have your rabbi fill in the blanks at the wedding, but your ketubah will have a "filled-in" look (and don't get me started on White-Out horror stories...) For the most elegant presentation you'll want your ketubah artist to fill in your personal information when she or he makes the ketubah. That way the text will flow seamlessly and look like the work of art it's meant to be, rather than a questionnaire.
Whatever you do, be sure to get a proof before the final document is created. Most ketubah artists will include a proof in their personalization process. This is your opportunity to make sure everything is spelled correctly and exactly the way you ordered it before the ketubah is actually made. Take advantage of the proof and go over it very carefully! Have your rabbi check it with a fine-tooth comb. Make sure to allow plenty of time, and look it over more than once - proofing in a rush is never a good idea. If you find any errors after you sign off on the proof you will probably have to pay extra to have them fixed, maybe even up to the full price of the ketubah.
A ketubah is a lovely custom to incorporate into an interfaith wedding, and if you follow these four tips your ketubah ceremony should go smoothly. Happy ketubah shopping!

By Melissa Dinwiddie
Artist/Owner, Ketubahworks http://www.ketubahworks.com

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?4-Tips-For-Personalizing-an-Interfaith-Ketubah&id=3597621] 4 Tips For Personalizing an Interfaith Ketubah

Building United Jewish Homes Through Intermarriage Conversion
By: Art Gib

Marriage involves more than living in the same house with another person. In addition to the companionship, laughter, love and joy that they share, couples usually face trials like financial responsibilities, raising children, managing time and moving to new areas for employment opportunities. This is why even the happiest couples admit that building a successful marriage requires a lot of work.
The foundation for a successful marriage begins with dating. In addition to generating entertainment, dating should help couples learn what they need from a marriage partner, test their compatibility, and strengthen the relationship they will need to weather life's storms. In most cases, for two people to find happiness together, they need to share common beliefs, values, interests and goals. Sometimes, it requires a lot of love, service, sacrifice, and compromise to reach that point though.
For example, love may bring two people with different religious backgrounds together because they have fun together, are attracted to each other and they have common interests, but tension will probably be generated as they raise children and conduct their lives unless their religious backgrounds are blended together or one is adopted over the other. Consequently, if one spouse in the marriage is very serious about religion, the other partner can eliminate a lot of tension and stress by investigating that faith and deciding whether or not they can adopt the values and beliefs that it preaches. Unfortunately, even willing candidates could run into trouble if they are dealing with stringent religious groups like Orthodox Jews.
In the Jewish religion, following the law with exactness is of paramount importance. Some of those laws can be confusing for a newcomer though. That's why independent organizations exist to provide couples with the information, guidance and support that they need. With some of the most respected and revered teachers leading these organizations, couples can rest assured that they are in competent and loving hands. The goal of these groups is to help intermarriage couples complete a legitimate conversion process that will last and strengthen the faith of parents and children in Jewish homes.
The leaders of this organization understand that when parents are united in what they believe and teach, their posterity is much more likely to stay loyal to the faith and create their own eternal Jewish family. If you don't understand the importance of family and traditions to the Jewish people, a few hours of watching Fiddler on the Roof should give you a glimpse into the matter.
About the Author
Eternal Jewish Family (http://eternaljewishfamily.org/) only works with couples at a Rabbi's recommendation. Since conversion is a highly personal matter, they do not guarantee conversion either. They can provide the things you need to be legitimate. The author, Art Gib, is a freelance writer.
(ArticlesBase SC #514547)Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ - Building United Jewish Homes Through Intermarriage Conversion

Out of Orthodoxy - Why This Former Orthodox Rabbi Will Officiate at Interfaith Marriages
By: Rabbi David S. Gruber

Many might ask, even accuse, how can I, a rabbi, who once was Orthodox, who served an Orthodox congregation, and at the helm of Orthodox educational institutions, be willing, nay eager, to help interfaith couples and (co)officiate at their weddings?
Let me open with a family story. I remember a discussion my grandmother had with my great uncle in front of me. They had both moved from the East Coast to Portland, Oregon to be with their children and grandchildren. Neither was observant in the Orthodox sense of the word, but both had bought kosher meat back east. While my grandmother continued to buy kosher meat in Portland despite the higher price, my great uncle started buying non-kosher meat, once he moved out there. He explained that kosher meat was just too expensive. My grandmother sternly responded, that she continued to buy kosher meat, because, “that is how our parents brought us up!”
That logic never made sense to me. I bought kosher food, lived in the Eruv, sent my kids to a costly day school, and fulfilled all the other costly and taxing demands of Halacha, because I firmly believed that God had commanded me to do so. Even where tradition came into play, such as the standard derech hapsak (modus of halachic ruling) of the Rama, concepts of minhag yisrael din hu (the custom of Israel has the force of law), and the like, the implicit, if not explicit reasoning was that God wants you to do it this way, not that tradition in and of itself had some independent value aside from God’s will. My opposition at the time to intermarriage, as to any transgression of Jewish Law had nothing to do with tradition. As an Orthodox rabbi I did not, nor would I have dreamt of performing intermarriages, as it is against Halacha. Period. What mattered to me was the desire of the deity, not a tradition, in and of itself.
Somewhere in the middle of 2006, this all changed. I had an epiphany of sorts, and it became clear to me that I could not remain Orthodox. I began a year and a half long journey of study and exploration, at the end of which I left the Orthodox world behind, and I now live my life as a Jewish secular humanist. I no longer buy kosher food, live in the Eruv, send my kids to a costly day school, or fulfill all the other costly and taxing demands of Halacha, because I firmly believe that no God has commanded me to do so. As my objection to officiating at intermarriages was part and parcel of my Halachic life, I see no reason not to do this now. Period. Now what guides my life are the ideals of humanism. What matters is how I can help my fellow human being, and how I can make the world a better place for humanity in general. That is of the most paramount importance, not the imagined desire of a deity.
I remember when I first met with Rabbi Jacques Cukierkorn, over some kosher ribs at Irv’s Market in Kansas City. He explained his philosophy of what he would and wouldn’t do through a story which was intended in good humor to cause even the most liberal Orthodox rabbi (me) to raise an eyebrow. Once he got the effect he wanted, he explained seriously that he has one criterion when he judges a potential act – will it further the cause of Judaism? I too have one criterion – will what I do help my fellow human beings, and will it further the cause of humanistic ideals? Treating a couple with kindness and compassion, as human beings, as individuals, which is the way they treated each other when they fell in love is the best way of fulfilling this. In fact, I can think of few things better than helping a couple make the most important day of their life even more wonderful, especially when so many rabbis will not do so without attaching numerous conditions.
Rabbi Adam Chalom talks about the fact that all marriages are intermarriages. People marry multifaceted individuals; each one of us has many defining characteristics, with our religion being just one of them. In that sense even a marriage between two Ultra-Orthodox Jews is a mixed marriage, and a marriage between a Jew and a non-Jew, who are on the same “wave length” in many things could be less of a stretch, depending on the other characteristics of each individual. Amy Elkes writes, “My boyfriend and I share many of the same beliefs and values. We both believe in acting with honesty and integrity. We both honor our families and believe that children are a couple’s greatest commitment. We love learning and traveling and exploring new places. When we face problems, no matter what kind, we turn to one another for comfort and support. In short we do not define ourselves solely by our religions, and as a result, we have a tremendous amount of common ground to stand on.” Each couple must ascertain if their “package” is one that will work. After, all a perfectly Halachic marriage between a Humanistic Jew and an Ultra Orthodox Jew would probably have a lesser chance of remaining intact, than one between a Humanistic Jew and a Humanistic Buddhist.
The interesting thing is that if we are, after all, to invoke tradition, we who see nothing wrong with interfaith marriage have quite a leg to stand on, and in a sense a better one than those who invoke tradition against it. After all, from the period where our ancestors, the Canaanites of the Central Highlands started to define themselves as Israelites and Judahites to at least 450 B.C.E., beyond the standard xenophobia, so common to those times, not many thought there was really that much wrong with intermarriage. This was in part because they all worshipped many of the same gods, with a small group of priests in the 7th Century B.C.E. pushing monolatry of one of those particular gods, Yahweh, and trying to foment a little bit more than the standard xenophobia with their intermarriage prohibitions. The latter openly lament, that they really didn’t make too much of a “splash” at the time in the general populace. That is why we see intermarriage exemplified by the legendary figures of Ruth, Ma’acha, Na’ama, Jezebel, Yeter, Uriah, and many more. Prof. Baruch Halpern talks about the fact that in general this Yahweh Alone party rewrote history with the traditional Israelite practice condemned as foreign and against tradition, and the new practice of this new party elevated as the true Israelite tradition. This is just one more instance, where that is so true.  By being open to interfaith marriage we invoke the ancient and true traditions of our Canaanite/Israelite ancestors. By leaving their xenophobia behind, we improve on these traditions.
I feel a personal connection to such an avenue of thinking regarding myself as one who will (co)officiate at interfaith marriages. The following is my personal conjecture, and I may be a little off, but certainly not anymore so than traditional Judaism’s version. There have been a number of fascinating studies regarding the evidence mitochondrial and Y chromosome DNA markers give us regarding the development of the human race. One of the most fascinating of these studies is the study that implies that 70-80% of today’s male Kohanim (Aaronide or Zadokite priests) are in fact descended from a single common male ancestor who lived 2100-3500 years ago. Now, the consensus of archeologists is quite clear that the Israelites and Judahites emerged from the Canaanites of the Central Highlands. That means that that ancestor most probably came from within that milieu. If you read between the lines of the Bible, you can see that there is a certain probability that the story of the Aaronide priesthood really begins with the selection of two rival Cannanite priesthood lines by the rustic Judahite chieftain we know as David (who we now have evidence did in fact exist) with the Zadokite line winning out. When I, a Kohen, stand before a couple and consecrate them in marriage, I see myself not only as an heir to the historical traditions of Judaism and the original Cannanite/Israelites, but also, by virtue of my DNA, as an heir to that ancient Cannanite priesthood, who may have officiated at many marriages of all sorts, without anyone thinking anything about it.
Some may say that officiating at interfaith marriages will decimate the Jewish people. Some, and I count my former self as guilty in this regard, even use abhorrent references to a “voluntary holocaust”, as if people wishing to marry those they love are analogous to those who murdered a third of our people. Again Chalom is poignant in his thinking in this matter. Why not look at this as enlarging the Jewish people? To Jewish theists of all stripes, there is a need to legally define who is Jewish and who is not, as they look at Jews through religious eyes. Who is a Jew, is as important a subject to the most liberal Reform rabbi, as it is to her Neturai Karta counterpart. To them, by virtue of some version of Halacha the children of the interfaith couple will be Jewish or won’t be Jewish, and this is a concern of the utmost importance. To me, Judaism is primarily an issue of culture, history, and an intellectual tradition, the positive and relevant aspects of which I embrace along with the traditions of the enlightenment. One can be a part of many different cultures. My children are three quarters Ashkenazic, and one quarter Sephardic. Did I do damage to Ashkenazi culture by not marrying a fully Ashkenazic woman? My cousin married a man from China. Did she do damage to her children by not marrying an American born man? Did he do damage to his children by not marrying a Chinese woman? Certainly, to their shame, many people, a generation or two ago would have answered to the affirmative. To the shame of Ultra Orthodox Judaism in Israel, they still answer to the affirmative today to my first question. Need we be so narrow minded? Can we not understand that there is something enriching and positive and wonderful about more people out there being heirs to a Jewish cultural, historical and intellectual tradition, combined with whatever additional identities they have? This should be seen as a blessing, not a problem.
Our Rabbis ask what does God do ever since he finished with the heavy lifting of creation? They tell us that he does one thing – matchmaking. The idea of marriage, two separate people coming together to form one united entity, when you think about it, is really quite fantastic. In our modern culture with the high divorce rate, we see how incredibly difficult it can be to keep such a package intact. Those of us who are married know that you need to keep working at it day by day. If we are approached by a couple who deeply love each other, who have thought the issues of their compatibility through, and have decided that they would like nothing more than to spend their life together, blending their lives and their flesh into one, and they ask us to help them make this dream come true, dare we say no? I know I cannot, and I will not. I will not attach any conditions to my willingness to (co)officiate, and I will have one question only, the question Chalom says he asks couples when they approach him, “Do you love each other?” If the answer is yes, I will have only one response, “Mazel Tov, now let’s look at some dates…”
Copyright 2007 – www.interfaithweddingrabbi.net - Rabbi David S. Gruber – All Rights Reserved

About the Author
I am a native of Evanston, Illinois, and an eighth generation rabbi. I grew up in Israel, where I served as a tank gunner in the IDF Armored Corps, attended Yeshivat Sha’alvim, one of the most prominent institutions of higher Orthodox Jewish learning in Israel for seven years, and received my Orthodox rabbinic ordination from the Chief Rabbis of Israel. I hold a B.A. in History from Thomas Edison State College, and an M.S. in Educational Leadership from Walden University. I have served in educational and religious leadership positions in the Jewish community on three continents since my teens, specifically in Israel, New Zealand and the United States. A former member of the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA) I am one of the only ordained Orthodox rabbis in the world, who has renounced Orthodoxy and sees himself as a secular humanist. As such I deeply believes in helping interfaith couples make the most out of the most wonderful day of their lives. Having lived, since my return to the United States, in Overland Park, Kansas, Toledo, Ohio and Dallas, Texas, I now live in the beautiful city of Frisco, Texas, a northern suburb of Dallas, and one of the fastest growing cities in the United States. Visit my website at www.interfaithweddingrabbi.net

(ArticlesBase SC #1291073)
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ - Out of Orthodoxy - Why This Former Orthodox Rabbi Will Officiate at Interfaith Marriages

FAMOUS INTERFAITH COUPLES

TAYE DIGGS & IDINA MENZEL

GEORGE BURNS & GRACIE ALLEN

MARTIN SCORCESE & LARAINE MARIE BRENNAN

CHRISTINA AGUILERA & JORDAN BRATMAN

ELIZABETH TAYLOR & EDDIE FISHER

ANNE BANCROFT & MEL BROOKS

DAVID ARQUETTE & COURTNEY COX

MICHAEL J. FOX & TRACY POLLAN

PAUL NEWMAN & JOANNE WOODWARD

Family ties: what to do when your newfound love
is Jewish but the family isn't.
By: Hanna Miller

You've finally found someone who has everything. A great sense of humor. An unassailable dominance at board games. A commitment to raising Jewish children. And a mother named Christina.
Dating a Jew isn't always a way to avoid the "December Dilemma," especially when your newfound love has converted to Judaism. Christmas is often the dealbreaker for Christians considering conversion, and even those who've abandoned the holiday usually have relatives who can't comprehend their decision. Many imagine they'll reenter the fold, escorted by a desirable man or woman who can't imagine giving up Christmas (i.e., not you.)
Know this. Respect this. And ask your mate how to handle it. You may find yourself drinking eggnog during your first holiday together: so long as you're comfortable with it, go right ahead. The key is to find a compromise that supports and strengthens your new relationship without undermining your identity or beliefs.
While you may be disappointed that you won't have another grandmother's matzoh ball soup to taste test, having a non-Jewish extended family can be a good thing (especially if you like grandma's eggnog). You have the chance to share your culture and traditions with people who may never have been exposed to them. Remember, dating is all about new opportunities

About the Author (ArticlesBase SC #3316)
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ - Family ties: what to do when your newfound love is Jewish but the family isn't.